It Takes Two   Leave a comment


Couples tend to draw my ire. Things are simply not better when they’re together. There’s all these unanticipated factors that just deprave the parts and the whole. Whoever said two is better than one was sorely mistaken- it’s simply not true.

Exhibit 1:


Those double popsicles with two sticks connected in the middle by a thin popsicle channel. You think it’s cool because it’s 2 in 1, but it turns out to be a major inconvenience. How do you separate them? Try to break them apart while they’re whole and frozen, they’ll break unevenly, and a large portion will end up on the floor, but if you wait until they’re a little melted, you get a big mess on your hands. Let it alone and the two sticks eventually melt apart, never to be reunited, and this is usually after one has been badly damaged. There just never seems to be any balance.

Gimme’ a Break

The problem with Kit Kats is that everybody wants a piece, but you know both cookies want to stay together. Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar?  Hell no, I want both sticks all to myself. They just would never choose on their own to be separated. Why would you let any person, even a friend, have a piece of your Kit Kat? Their inability to be separated can harm friendships and make Kit Kat lovers lose touch with their world. Plus it’s never good when someone’s always demanding a break.

Splinters

When you break these types of chopsticks apart, they never break evenly. One side always gets a bigger share of the middle wood and the other chopstick is all lame and inoperable. One chopstick has to be dominant, and the other is a little weenie chopstick. The other problem of these chopsticks’ very existence is that they are for one time use and are to be thrown away. You may not think about this when eating, but it is their fate, and even if you try to keep them, they quickly become soggy, frayed, and splintered.

There is a Wrong Way


I have a mild peanut allergy, so the prospect of peanut butter isn’t pleasant to me to begin with. It certainly is not my idea of a treat. So it’s bad enough that the package has one peanut butter cup, but there’s two. Thanks for doubling my allergic reaction, Reese’s. This is an overall awful experience, potentially doubling the harmful response my body undertakes.

Oh, Come On. Who Hates Pocky?

I won’t deny that I love each Pocky individually. But they come in packs of at least a dozen, each intended to be its own separate rod of yummy-dipped goodness. The problem is when you leave them in the heat together, and two of them melt together and get stuck. You can’t break them apart! They’re fused and there’s nothing you can do to unfuse them. It’s unnatural and it makes both previously delicious sticks somewhat undesirable. They were not meant to be stuck together, and even if one Pocky seems fine, the one melted onto it is grotesque, and it gets ruined. Such a shame.

You see what I’m saying about couples now? There’s all these things that make them kinda rotten and miserable. If they just stayed separate and maintained an individual identity, well it might be best for all parties involved. It might certainly increase my ability to enjoy them.

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Posted January 28, 2010 by Wada in Uncategorized

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