UCSD in Links and Rhyme   Leave a comment


To Prospective UCSD Students:

(Note: This qualifies as my annual warning.)

I’ll tell you some stories, they’ll be your ingestee,
About my three years here at UCSD
University of California, San Diego
What rhymes with “Diego” except “fat-free Eggo“?

Just like at Hogwarts, students are split into houses.
Each college a discrete land like at Mickey Mouse’s.
To clarify, kids get sorted into six colleges, and
They’re sectioned off geographically like Disneyland.

I was here for a month, didn’t yet know the town.
Ash blackened the air, the school almost burned down.
The sky was brassy with brimstone, as away did I drive,
Packs of wildfires roared across Interstate 5.

That very same year, on the very same road.
Some guy tried to make the 5 Freeway explode.
His bomb threat was thwarted, I laughed when I read it.
The cops made him go out on the freeway and get it.

It’s mostly safe in La Jolla, there’s not much to fear.
But we had more than a single bomb threat that year.
A man got fired and violent, but didn’t shoot or stab.
Just threatened to blow up the biomedical lab.

I simply dislike the sight of eucalyptus.
Whoever it was chose the flora, he gypped us.
I’m not a fan of the scent our tree pollen brings,
Even if one of them talks and another one sings.

And then there stands Geisel crowning Library Walk.
People check themselves out or just stand there and talk.
They say it’s a spaceship equipped for interstellar war,
Of which nobody knows what’s on the third floor.
(Just like the Hogwarts forbidden 3rd floor corridor.)

One thing I know that struck me wonder-bound.
Is there’s tunnels all over hidden underground.
What are they for, and where do they go?
To go down and explore is the best way to know.

The beach is close by, nice in the day time or dark.
Sunny it was when that guy got killed by that shark.
Wildlife attacks in SD aren’t absurd.
You could be bombarded by the Price Center bird.

If by now you’re thinking this school is pathetic,
Knowing it lacks a program that’s athletic,
I’ll say it again, and it’s often repeated,
UCSD football remains undefeated.

That doesn’t mean our school’s lacking in spirit,
Check the triton statue if ever you’re near it
He’s brawny and bronze outside Price Center East
Think they could face the conch the right way at least?

Student parking’s a mess, and expensive, and full
And then there’s that 24/7, five days a week, rule.
Speaking of parking, not to be forgot
Are the overturned U-Hauls in the Ralph’s parking lot.

If UCSD has you feeling dejected.
Think of those kids who so got rejected:
In 2009, admissions didn’t know better,
Than to send rejectees a fake acceptance letter.

The campus is quiet, the administration denies it
No football, no frat row, no way to disguise it,
If you talk to the Chancellor, best be prompt, then look out
The BSU’s coming, see: Compton Cookout.

Compton Cookout, Koala, imagined hate crimes.
It was in every paper, even The New York Times.
I feel pretty bad for the girl with the noose.
People mostly ignored the KKK hood on Dr. Seuss.

Protests rocked the campus for more than four weeks.
All of it started by some partying Greeks.
Chancellor Fox shook before protesters she couldn’t appease.
The Koala used the N-word, Gupta said, “funding freeze”.

The BSU had their demands, screamed for Fox to agree
To their own student center, to be tutored for free.
Protesters came to UCSD from all over town
The Black Student Union cried “Shut it down!”

Chancellor Fox looked frail and worse for the wear
While most of the students on campus didn’t care
Fox met their demands, calmed the tumult, restored order
Then came the 7.2 Easter earthquake on the border.

That’s most of what’s happened while I’ve been here
Sea World and the zoo always are near
The last thing I’ll mention, to forget would be odd
This is UCSD, and that means Sungod.
When you stumble around and your eyes get all glassy

That’s all. San Diego, I’m done, you stay classy.

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Posted April 25, 2010 by Wada in UCSD

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